"Anyways after a few years Tim and I get booted out of the Boy Scouts for carrying axes, shooting off fireworks, and I think Tim made a killer wire snare trap that caught the Troopmaster's pet cat. But we kept on wintah' camping every year anyway, but nothing out of Massachussets. Nothing up in New Hampshire or Maine even though we had been up there all over the place doing serious survival camping in summer. We were dying to go to NH that year, we figured we were ready for it, so I kept bugging Mom until I talked her into dropping us off at Rt. 119 and Rt. 495 on her way into work. Can't figure why she agreed but Mom must of known that we were going to get up there somehow anyway. From there on we hitchhiked the rest of the way, past Jaffrey, and then walked the State Park entrance road. The guys who gave us a ride to the State Park thought we were fucking crazy. Anyways we get there and it's fucking way, waay, waaay nasty assed colder than all hell out. We get maybe two thirds of the way up the mountain and have to camp because it's getting dark. I got my summer sleeping bag, and cotton long underwear that I had bought at the Boy Scout Shop in Sears back like when I was still in the Boy Scouts, and I forget what shit Tim had, but it wasn't much better.
Fife interrupts "Cotton, you guys had fucking Cotton!?!"
"Yepper buddie, fucking cotton, blue jeans too. And my favorite Boy Scout Canteen." JB replies. "It was unbelievably cold, and the wood was not very good because we were up too high on the mountain. Got a fire good enough to boil water though. Anyway it was so cold...er...it was so cold that by the time you poured boiling hot coca into a cup and brought it to ya lips, you would have to crack ice off the top!" JB howls with laughter, but he wasn't really exaggerating by very much either. He continues, "I was shaking and shivering pretty bad by the time I get into my sleeping bag, and all night I fucking freeze my fucking ass off worse than I ever did and ever will. Novak told me later that he had poured some boiling water into my canteen, and then put it in his sleeping bag so it wouldn't freeze, and it fucking froze!"
"Your water froze inside a sleeping bag?" Fife asked, right on cue.
"Yah sure did, great equipment huh?" JB says. "But I think Tim's sleeping bag was better than mine, because I put the booze in my sleeping bag so it wouldn't freeze, and the fucking booze froze!"
"The fucking booze froze?" Fife asks, raising an eyebrow.
'The fucking booze froze harder than moose marbles lying on snow." JB chuckles. "So the next day we get up totally frozen stiff and try to get the fire going, but we are out of wood, and too cold to get more. We were going to stay one more night. Me and Tim look at each other and said at the same time, "Let's get the fuck outa' here!" We pack in two seconds, left a whole lotta' shit up there like the tent and stuff, and stumbled out as fast as frozen boots let us. We almost die waiting to get a ride back into town, and go to the first diner we can find. Took like two hours before I could even feel my toes. I read the newspaper there and it says that the nastiest cold snap in decades is sweeping down from Canada. The cook has the radio on and the DJ says it's minus 40 below, without the windchill factor, in downtown Keene, New Hampshire, like at 1 o'clock in the afternoon. That's fucking minus 40 below, way down in the valley at fucking lunch time, never mind how bad it got up on the top of Monadnock the night before. It must of been off the scale up there, and the wind was howling real bad too."
"Hmmmm," Fife says, "Is that minus 40 below Fahrenheit, or Celsius?" he asks naively. JB just smiles and takes a swig, "Someday when it happens again out here you will find out!" He roars with laughter, and tickled to death with his cleverness, is now stumbling off to take a whiz like a gumbie faced drunk. Apparently the story is over, abruptly, and the crew, tired to the bone, crashes out to the sound of booming trees and crackling embers.
Morning arrives crisp and cold. JB is up and working on some wood, with the fire starting to life behind him. Fife eventually crawls out. The two pack and head up the trail. Around lunch time the duo arrives at Franconia Falls. A multi-cascade of sliver water roaring down over ice coated waterfalls, crossing is tricky, but successful. Snow shoes are on now, and after lunch the duo continues upward.
By mid afternoon, they are in trouble up at maybe 2700 feet. The trail cut sideways along the face of a steep ravine and as they gain altitude it is becoming increasingly clear that they are woefully under-equipped to handle that terrain. The wooden Tubs snowshoes do not have crampons integral with the binding, so they are constantly sliding sideways downhill as the snow shifts underfoot. At one point JB, who was up front, has a big section of snow avalanche out from under a gingerly placed snowshoe, his sideways slide into oblivion checked by a small evergreen shrub that he was lucky enough to grab. Dusk is approaching and the wind, howling around, has the trees wobbling left and right as if they were shaking their heads, saying no, no, no. JB looks around and realizes that in fact there is absolutely no place to camp in the rugged notch, and by now he is suffering from an acute case of backwoods panic.
The decision to bail is an easy one. Neither are looking forward to traversing back across the slope, but lacking knowledge of the trail ahead, going further was not an option. Back down at the Falls, they cross and find a nice place to camp. It is out of earshot from the falls, since the sound of flowing water annoys JB no end. They camp there for the next two nights.
By the second night they have built a real nice log camp, complete with staked log seats on the uphill side of the fire, and a large log barrier on the other three sides as a windbreak. The camping is difficult with deep snow and nightly sub-zero weather. But lots of fun too, with the entire day to take care of chores at one's leisure, and explore the area, without impending darkness forcing a rushed panic. It's last night in the woods, so they party on the remaining booze, smoke and food.
The next day they pack up and snowshoe out. On the way JB takes one final look at their camp. Forest destruction from high impact survival camping is everywhere, and the resulting wood used to built a camp that looks like urban development. "Man we should of got a building permit!" JB says on the trail. The stream where Fife fell in is now completely frozen over and the two stand right on it laughing about the incident. At the car they load up packs tiredly and head for fast food in town.
It has been tough 4 day/3 night trip that has seen emergency survival camping and a thwarted summit attempt. But as far as the guys concerned, the team has now graduated from the brutal school of winter survival. In following years they will not be denied a summit in the great northern winter wilderness.